Out of the mouth of babes

This month our church is doing some really unique things with the children's program. For Sheridan's class they are doing a 5 week rotating class that focuses on different things each week, all of which center around Christmas or an aspect of Christ in Christmas. This past Sunday was the "missions" week for Sheridan's class. I thought that maybe they would talk about other countries, or missionaries, something related to what I perceived to be "missions". Imagine my surprise when she comes out talking about the homeless. My first thought was "what does homelessness have to do with missions?" Well, my 6 year old daughter proceeded to explain to me that missions has everything to do with the homeless! Her class had focused on homelessness to help the kids understand that missions starts at HOME! There are people all around us that we can minister to, we don't have to go to the other side of the world!
Sheridan also left that day with a little box to give to someone homeless. Inside the box was a bottle of water, a granola bar, and a meal ticket for a hot meal at a local rescue mission. Sheridan was so excited to give out the box, she immediately wanted us to go look for someone homeless. As we left church, on our way to shop at Target, we stopped at a light and there on our side of the street was a homeless man. I wish you could have seen the look on Sheridan's face when we gave the man her box! She was so happy!!!! The rest of the day she kept asking me "did the man eat my granola bar mom?" and "did the man drink the water yet mom?" I can't believe how much a simple exercise like that taught my daughter about missions! What a lasting memory this will give her about ministering to the needs of others.
Can I challenge you in the area of the homeless? What can you do? How can you reach this unreached group? When our family went to Target that day, we followed the idea from church and purchased little "homeless kits" to give out. We bought inexpensive bags, snacks that included bottled water, fruit snacks, granola bars, an inexpensive toothbrush with a mini toothpaste and peanuts. We also included the most important part.........a tract about the One who cares the most about the homeless, Jesus! We placed these bags in our car so that we are ready next time we see someone who is homeless.
What a simple way to reach out to others in need and at the same time teach our children a valuable lesson on loving others, reaching out to tend to the needs of others and............missions!!!

Seeing God in the snowflakes!!

A few weeks back I checked out the book Snowflake Bentley by Jacqueline Briggs Martin to read to the girls. Little did I know how timely it was as we would be having snow here very soon! The book is a fascinating story of a man obsessed with snowflakes! Despite their financial difficulties, his parents eventually bought him a special camera that could be used to photograph snowflakes. Thus began a love affair with photographing, documenting and drawing thousands of snowflakes over Mr. Bentley's lifetime. After reading the book to the girls, I found and checked out the actual book written by Mr. Bentley (and the only of it's kind, still used today) entitled Snow Crystals by W.A. Bentley. It is amazing!!! This book documents over 2000 snowflakes photographed by Mr. Bentley. The most amazing thing I learned from these two books was the fact that NO two snowflakes are alike!!!! Think about that for a moment! NONE are alike. Have you seen a snow storm lately? I have!!! With this book in mind, I stood at my window and looked out at the thousand of snowflakes falling per second in my yard, and marveled at the fact that NO two are alike!!! After learning that, who would NOT believe in God? How else do you explain the fact that in any given snow storm there must be millions of snowflakes dropped to the ground, and none are identical? What imagination and creativity that requires! Only God could do that! The most suitable passage from the Bible for this is in Isaiah 40, one of my favorite chapters of the Bible! It reads (vs. 12)"Who has measured the waters in the hollow of His hand, and marked off the heavens by the span, and calculated the dust of the earth by the measure, and weighed the mountains in a balance and the hills in a pair of scales? Who has directed the Spirit of the Lord, or as His counselor has informed Him?" And further down in verse 21 it reads "Do you not know? Have you not heard? Has it not been declared to you from the beginning? Have you not understood from the foundations of the earth? It is He who sits above the circle of the earth, and its inhabitants are like grasshoppers, who stretches out the heavens like a curtain and spreads them out like a tent to dwell in. He it is who reduces rulers to nothing, who makes the judges of the earth meaningless. Scarcely have they been planted, scarcely have they been sown, scarcely has their stock taken root in the earth, but He merely blows on them, and they wither, and the storm carries them away like stubble." How awesome is our God?

I can't and shouldn't complain.......but I will anyway!

I am a complainer by nature. I rarely look on the "bright side" of things, instead I focus on the worst case scenario in each problem. If my daughter talks disrespectfully to me once, then she will never be a productive adult because she can't submit to authority. If Jordan doesn't nap one day, she will never nap again and my few hours of quiet a day are over forever! If I have a pain in my head, I have a tumor etc..... You get the gist of it!
So, the verse in the Bible that reads "Do ALL things without complaining or arguing" (Philippians 2:14) is a hard pill for me to swallow sometimes.
So, today I am up early, changing sheets, doing laundry, unloading the dishwasher, doing school with the girls, and I am tired. Sort of feeling sorry for myself. I finally got a chance to check my email when the girls took their naps and what do I see on the internet? Prince William got engaged. Who cares, right? I normally do NOT care at all, and I am certainly not a "royal watcher" by any means. But, as I sat at the computer watching a brief interview with the prince and his fiance, I found myself thinking things like "I bet SHE doesn't have to do laundry!" And "I bet SHE doesn't have to cook 3 meals a day!" Oh yah...and "I bet SHE doesn't scrub toilets!" I kind of sat with this all day and found myself thinking about the two of them way more than is normal! As I was vacuuming I thought about her and the fact that she probably doesn't vacuum!
Flash forward to later as I am doing the dishes. I hear a song on a christian CD of mine that talks about being a part of God's family. Suddenly, the truth hits me. Who cares if I am not a part of a royal family with all the perks that includes. Someday I will be part of THE royal family of believers in heaven! I am part of God's family, the God of the universe and He loves me! All the work I do daily is for HIS glory and He sees me!!! I felt ashamed. I felt ridiculous. I felt content with my life, as it is. I felt grateful that God teaches me even when I am complaining and moaning.
Do all things without grumbling and complaining......... a lesson for us all!

Questions and concerns

So.......we are settled in here in WA and as most of you probably know, we love it so far!
The one thing that has been plaguing us these past few months is Michael's work schedule. As some of you know, when we lived in CA Michael got off work at 3:30pm. So, on a "bad" day he was home at 4pm! This was great for the girls, as Michael played with them all afternoon, and it was great for me cause I got a break and could make dinner in peace!
So, now here we are in WA, and Michael is supposed to be off at 4pm each day. Well, tonight he walked in the door about 8:30pm and another night this week it was closer to 9pm. There are a few reasons for this: 1) he is adjusting to new procedures and clients so there is a learning curve and 2) they keep electronic notes vs. hand written notes and this is for some reason way more time consuming. And, today for example he had a client at 8, 9, 10, 1pm, 2pm and then a meeting at 3pm-4pm. So, at 4pm when he is supposed to be leaving, he still has documentation to complete for each client which amounts to about 4 hours work!
Why am I telling you all this? Because it SUCKS!!! Surprisingly the thing I hate the most is not the extra work it has placed onto me! Yes, working a 13 hour day is hard and tiring! But, the worst part of this has been my kids reactions. The girls are used to having Daddy home early and getting to spend lots of time playing with him. They love him!!! At first, Sheridan would just make comments about Daddy not being home for dinner. Then she would get upset and say "when is Daddy coming home?!". Well, tonight was just plain heart wrenching! Tonight was the second time that she has gone to bed before Michael has gotten home, and she cried! I found her in her room clutching a picture of Michael and her taken at "pals night" from her preschool days and crying. When I went to comfort her she said to me "I never get to see Daddy anymore!" It made me so sad AND angry.
What has been hard for me in dealing with this is that I keep wondering why God would move us up here just to remove my husband from the family scene? What is the point of that? I have never been one of those women who values money or work success over my time with my family. I would rather my husband be home early and make less money.
So, tonight after putting Sheridan and Jordan to bed, I sat down and got out my Bible. I really wanted an answer from God! I felt sad and alone. Then, I remembered a verse that I had read a few years ago when I was struggling with post partum depression. I looked for it and found it in Ecclesiastes 7:10 and 13-14. It says "Do not say, "why is it that the former days were better than these?" ......Consider the work of God, for who is able to straighten what He has bent? In the day of prosperity be happy. But in the day of adversity consider- God has made the one as well as the other......"
I don't understand why God would allow this for our family. I don't understand why He would allow my daughter to suffer in this way. I don't know what we are to learn from this. But, God does. Can I trust God with my daughter's hearts? Yes. Can I trust that He has their best interest at heart? Yes. Is it still difficult? Yes.
I am not sure how this will be resolved, and I am not sure what I am to learn. But, I am trusting in the Lord. I still put my faith in Him. I will wait on Him.

Reaping what I have sowed part II

Hello friends! Sorry that I have been absent from the blogging world for so long. I really am still getting settled. Plus, I have started Sheridan in Kindergarten and that takes up a lot of time too!
But, I have to relate a funny situation that happened last weekend with Sheridan. If you have been reading my blog, you remember about 6 months ago I was at home in Corona doing yard work. I asked Sheridan to come help me clean up some clippings and her response was "Mom, do I look like Cinderella? I don't do yard work!" Yes, I was astounded and this led me to consider...........what am I sowing with Sheridan and her heart/attitude? Well, a friend/mentor of mine recommended a GREAT book called For Instruction in Righteousness by Pam Forster. I absolutely love this book! It takes all the hard work out of Christian parenting! The woman that wrote this compiled a list of "common" sins and then references many verses, consequences and thought provoking comments on each. So, as part of our daily Bible studying we have incorporated many verses/activities from this book. So, last weekend our whole family was out doing yard work (it takes many hands to do all the yard work required for the typical WA sized yard!). I had been weeding and clipping bushes and Sheridan and Jordan had been helping me for quite a while. So, finally Jordan goes off and starts to play in the yard, and since we were almost done, I said to Sheridan "it's ok honey, go and play with your sister, you can be done." Her response this time? "It's ok mom, I would rather stay here and serve you." WHAT? Is this MY child speaking? I had such a smile on my face when I heard her response! I am so grateful too that the Lord has allowed me to see the fruit of my perseverance in her spiritual life. It was such confirmation that using the Word of God to discipline has rewards! Her words show honor and respect much more than they did previously. There is progress! Hurray!!!

Lessons being learned!

Hello all!!!! Yes, I am still alive!
As most of you know, we have moved to WA!!! The past 4 weeks have been busy to say the least! We are pretty much settled in here, Michael has started his new job, the house is set up and unpacked. So far, I am enjoying living here. Some of you know that I previously lived for 13 months in Indiana while Michael was completing his internship for his doctoral program. Well, I am happy to report, WA is nothing like IN!!!! I love our neighborhood, love our house (for the most part, although it is a bit small for us!), Michael seems to like his job so far, and we found a great church! A lot has been happening.
So, despite all of this I think I am still a bit sad. I really miss my "old life." I miss my house, miss my neighborhood, miss my church, miss my family and I really miss all my friends. And, I miss the sense of contentment that I had at "home." I kind of feel like "ok, what am I supposed to do with myself NOW?" My response to this is..............wait on the Lord. But, I am so BAD at waiting! I know that the Lord has brought us here for a reason, and He is in control. For some reason, God chose to move us out of our comfort zone and into an unfamiliar zone! For me, accepting this and not clinging to the past, is crucial. Otherwise, I feel angry at my husband, bored, lonely and sad. After all, I MYSELF prayed that God would remove anything that was keeping me from a closer relationship with Him, so I am convinced that my level of contentment was keeping me from being closer to Him.
Would I trade my contentment for a closer relationship with God? Yes. Would I trade the familiar for the unfamiliar for a closer relationship with God? Yes. Would I trade a busy life for a slower pace for a closer relationship with God? Yes.
So, my task is clear. Pursue God during this waiting time. Find Him. Rely on Him. Praise Him.

Sensored and disciplined

It's been a rough few weeks spiritually speaking for me! Out of the blue, the Lord decided to teach me a few lessons, painful lessons. It all started one Sunday night at church when Michael and I attended a talk from our pastor about discipline. I won't bore you with all the details, but let's just say that the Lord used this night to very publicly teach me about submission to my husband. If that wasn't painful enough, He finished me up with a sermon on Sunday on Revelation 3: 15-16. Our pastor spoke on the words of Christ to the church in Laodicea: "I know your deeds, that you are neither cold nor hot; I wish that you were cold or hot. So because you are lukewarm, and neither hot nor cold, I will spit you out of my mouth." The pastor went on to talk about "lukewarm" Christians, saying that they had a "2nd class dedication to a 1rst class cause." A lukewarm Christian, he said, is a mix of the world and the church, they want salvation without discipleship! Salvation without discipleship. Wow, that sounded like me! I have struggled intensely the past few years with balancing time to read the word and pray, with "down time" and "me time." Often times I have rationalized my lack of discipline in the word by saying "I'm a mom, I am just so busy" or "I work all day every day, I deserve down time." What I really wanted was salvation without discipleship. I wanted to be saved, but not put in the time. Our pastor went on to say that a lukewarm Christian is ineffective for Christ and has no chance of being used in the world for Christ because they never catch the attention of the world! Well, if I am "lukewarm", how am I going to reach my children for Christ, let alone the world???? These experiences have brought about a new committment in me for the things of Christ. I am determined NOT to be a lukewarm Christian. On June 29th I began a quest to read through the entire Bible, something I have never done before. I have consistently read my Bible and prayed at night since that day. I praise the Lord for this! I don't want to be comfortable and complacent in my committment to Christ. I want to need the Lord. In return, maybe He can use me in some small way!
Are you cold, lukewarm, or hot for Christ???

A lesson on love

I have to write about a recent incident in the life of Sheridan, my 5 year old. Last week after church, she told me that there was a girl in her class that day with a "strange hand." She proceeded to point the little girl out to me and sure enough, one of her hands looked as if it had a birth defect. I cringed as Sheridan related to me that she had asked the little girl "what's that?" and "does that hurt?" This began a long conversation (it actually lasted throughout the week!) on why this little girls hand was different, why God made her that way, how Sheridan felt about it, and other various topics related to this.
I realized quickly, that this was the first time Sheridan had seen someone with a disability, other than someone in a wheel chair. Both Michael and I spent a lot of time processing this with Sheridan, and we focused specifically on the fact that Jesus doesn't make mistakes, that He had made her that way on purpose, and that Jesus looks at what people are like on the inside, not the outside, and so should we. Sheridan admitted that she had felt "scared" when she first saw the little girls hand, and we normalized that. One other thing we talked about was the fact that despite having a hand that looked different, the little girl was likely fun, kind, smart and would make a great friend. We even gave Sheridan suggestions on what she could say the next time she saw the little girl, such as "do you want to be my friend?"
So, yesterday when I picked Sheridan up from her class, she was playing with this particular little girl. As Sheridan came toward the door, the little girl followed and I got to meet her. It was clear that they had become friends! The conversation that I had with Sheridan later brought tears to my eyes and thankfulness to my heart!! She told me that when she saw the little girl, she said to her "do you want to be friends?" Sheridan reported that the little girl got a huge smile on her face and said "yes!" Sheridan also told me how much fun they had had at church, and all the things they had done together that day. She ended by saying to me "mom, you were right! Even someone with a different hand can be a great friend!"
I was so grateful to the Lord for providing this wonderful opportunity for Sheridan to learn about how God loves us, how we can love others, and the value of other people, even those that look "different"!!

Not just an Ark!

Have you read Genesis 9 lately? If you are a parent, you need to consider it! I was reading it recently and came to the end of the chapter, to a part that has always been a little bit of a mystery to me. Let me give you a recap...........Noah has begun farming, grows a vineyard, gets drunk and lays naked in his tent. His son Ham came in and saw him, went out, told his 2 brothers who then took a blanket, walked in to the tent backwards, and covered Noah. So what, right? Did you know that because of what Ham did, his son Canaan was cursed and that all of his descendants have become extinct? Seriously, what did he do?? My study Bible says that Ham dishonored his father and sinned. This is where the "mystery" comes in, this just never made sense to me!! So, I consulted my handy dandy Encyclopedia of Bible Difficulties and this is what it said...."Ham derided and dishonored his father after he found him naked, sleeping off a drunken stupor. Ham should have treated his father respectfully even though he had made a fool of himself."
Flash forward to present day.....if God feels that just LOOKING at your father in that situation is dishonoring him, what can he think of our children now???? Our children who talk back, disobey, sin daily against us!
Another part to this is found in Deuteronomy 21 where it says that if any man has a "stubborn and rebellious" son, who "will not obey his father or his mother" he should be brought out to the elders of the city and (are you ready for this??) STONED TO DEATH. Yes, you read that right! Can you imagine that being a law today? I doubt if my children would have made it to their 2nd birthdays!!
So, what does all this mean? Here's what it means........God takes children's obedience and respect for parents very seriously! After reading these passages, it really motivated me to commit myself even more to the discipleship of my children, not just to make my life easy, but so that my children can be pleasing to the Lord!

An investment in the future

Have you noticed how much WORK it is to raise kids? I don't mean cooking, cleaning and doing laundry either! That is hard work, but it is mindless hard work! The hard work I am referring to is DISCIPLESHIP!! That is what is so time consuming and tiring.
I have been working with Sheridan lately on the way she speaks to me. Sometimes she speaks with less than the respect she is supposed to! So, I have undertaken this and my goal is to increase her respectful attitude and speech. DO YOU KNOW HOW MUCH WORK THIS TAKES? I can honestly say that I understand how some parents just give up and say "oh well, hopefully it will work out someday!" Because this type of teaching, this type of discipling takes hard work. Redirecting her speech takes time and effort. I have to stop what I am doing, go over to her, crouch down and help her to rephrase what she has just said. On top of that is the discipline that takes place if she refuses, and the heart work that needs to take place between her and the Lord to complete this process. I am constantly using scripture with her and helping her to say things differently. I am constantly paying attention to her attitude and ability to submit. I am constantly praising her when she does a great job.........and the list goes on.
And guess what? It is starting to pay off. When asked to clean up the playroom the other day you know what she said? "Sure mom!", and she got right to it! She is learning to submit, obey and with the right heart attitude!!!! Is she perfect at this yet? NOT! Am I always consistent? NOT! But, with the Lord's help we will persevere, believing that ALL things are possible through the Lord, and that he has a plan for my daughter and I need to be faithful to prepare her for it!

Reaping what I have sowed!

So, today I brought the girls outside to play and I decided to do some yard work. I ended up trimming a ton of bushes and doing some weeding. At the end of all of this I had a large pile of weeds that needed to be picked up. So, I said to the girls "I want you guys to come over here and help me pick these up." Jordan came right over and started picking up, but Sheridan on the other hand didn't. She looked at me and said the following: "Mom! Do I look like Cinderella? I don't do yard work!" Once I picked my jaw back up, I was not happy! I won't bore you with the details of what happened next but I will say this............I am reaping what I have sowed. Why? Some of you know that I consider one of my biggest mistakes as a parent to be the fact that I cleaned up virtually every mess Sheridan ever made for the first 3 years of her life! And you know what? I still do!! Why? Because honestly I can do it better and faster and since I am such a neat freak, this is appealing to me! I honestly do not mind doing it. But, now I am realizing the folly of my ways and today I realized that I truly am reaping what I have sowed. While this may be a minor thing in the grand scheme of things (or not, time will tell) it made me wonder what else I am sowing that I may not want to reap in the future. Tonight I prayed with extra fervency that the Lord would give me wisdom and discernment in the raising of my children. I want to raise them up in the way they should go, so that when they are old, they shall not depart from it.

Next please!!

So, tonight Michael and I attended an event at our church. The associate pastor spoke on the "bottom line" of parenting from a biblical perspective. It was great! I left with a few things on my mind. One pertains to his discussion on the obligation we have as parents to disciple our children and lead them to Christ. Ephesians 6:4 says that we are to "bring them up in the discipline and instruction of the Lord." So my question is this: Am I doing enough? During the school year, we read and study the Bible much more than we currently are during summer "break". During school we read Bible at breakfast and lunch, and we are working our way through "Leading Little Ones to God" a wonderful devotion for kids. In addition, Michael and I make every effort to talk of the things of God as much as possible. But, now, during summer, I feel as if I have slipped a little. Sheridan is doing some Bible memorization, and we still read the Bible daily, but I find myself getting a little casual about it! It is sad because this should be my number one focus as a parent. I have spoken about this before, how I am trying to keep my long term goal of HEAVEN in mind as I parent each day. I can't lose sight of this, what a great reminder!!!

The second thing on my mind as I left relates to a comment the pastor made during his talk. He said that one warning sign we need to be aware of is if Jesus has to "wait in line" in our life. What a visual huh? I don't know about you, but Jesus OFTEN has to wait in line while I do everything else I "need" to do first. Isn't that terrible? Many, many things come first in my life before God.........reading, computer time, watching TV etc., etc., etc. How sad. What a regret that will be I'm sure as I get older and look back on my life evaluating what was important.
So, tonight I turned off the TV, and didn't make Jesus wait in line!

self inflicted change

So, I had my first "breakdown" over moving the other night. It started when I was putting Sheridan to bed and somehow the subject of moving came up. She said to me "we will still be close to mo-mo and pop-pop (grandma and grandpa) won't we?" The look on her face can't be described when I told her that we wouldn't be close to them anymore. Later I went and was reading a friend's blog. She is also moving and was describing how her cupboard looked so bare with all of her things packed up. Of course then I pictured our cupboards bare and I just sat and started to cry.

The funny thing is that I feel somewhat responsible for our moving. Why??? Because I have been praying over the past year that if there is anything in my life that is keeping me from being closer to the Lord, that the Lord would remove it. So, my current conclusion is that my sense of "contentment" with life lately is keeping me from being closer to the Lord and that is one reason we are moving. I have to admit that the past few days I certainly have been reading my Bible more! I guess when things are turned "upside down" we need the Lord more. When I am home, content, and feel as if life is "set", then I need the Lord less. So, I guess in some ways I am thankful for this change. It definitely will cause me to cling more to the Lord, and less to my sense of contentment.

Acceptance

Something I have been struck by lately is the amount of effort people put into being accepted. Sometimes it is sad to watch. I know some who seek after a particular religion simply because the people make them feel accepted. I know others who do certain things to feel accepted, even lie and deceive people. I too want to feel accepted. I think this is one reason the possibility of a move is hard for me. I love feeling accepted. Recently I have attended a few events at my church. I leave every time with such a feeling of connectedness, support and feeling "part of something." That would be hard to leave behind. In my thought process about this I wondered about God and what He feels about acceptance. Certainly Christ was never accepted, but rejected. I know that feeling accepted is not a Godly pursuit, and may even be contrary to God's plan and will for us. But, I also know that we are made in the image of God and therefore that in God is an enjoyment of fellowship. After all, the trinity has been in fellowship for all of eternity. I guess I am learning that I need to be content being accepted by God and God alone. I need to remember that he will never leave me or forsake me. I may never be accepted by those around me, but even as a sinner, I am accepted by God.

Idols

So, a few days ago I got a Blackberry. Yes, I know, I have been living in the dark ages with no texting and with my old flip phone. So, as the days have gone by I have felt so "cool" with it, and I love the ability to communicate with anyone, anywhere, any time of day!!! In fact, my hubby said to me "now you are one of THOSE people with their noses always in the phone!" This got me thinking about idols. I was watching a cartoon version of the story of Moses with Sheridan the other day and they showed how the Israelites made a golden cow and worshiped it. Ok, so I'm not THAT bad, but in examining myself, I do have idols. For example, I love facebook. I spend about 20 minutes per day on it, but really, what else could I do with that time? Seriously, my real idol is what I call "down time." I am obsessed with having down time. I hope other mothers out there can relate. When you work 15 hour days, I guess most people would want some down time. But it is just selfishness when you really think about it. I sometimes dream of my down time during difficult days with the girls. I imagine sitting on my bed, reading or just laying about in bed watching TV. I crave it. I think of it. I want it. Solitude. Quiet. Rest.
But then God gently nudges my spirit with verses like Galatians 2:20 "I have been crucified with Christ; and it is no longer I who live, but Christ lives in me; and the life which I now live in the flesh I live by faith in the Son of God, who loved me and gave Himself up for me." Ouch. And, the most convicting is Philippians 2:4 "do not merely look out for your own personal interests, but also for the interests of others." I am always looking out for my own personal interests! But, that needs to decrease, so that Christ can increase in me.

Forgiveness 101

So today at dinner I had the brilliant idea to read Proverbs 31 to my girls as an example of what a woman/mother should be. Well, as usual, the Lord intended that passage for me, not necessarily for the girls. Isn't it funny how the Lord can use your kids to teach you so much? Flash back to earlier today and NOT my finest mothering moment. We were on the way home from a nice lunch and the girls were extremely tired (we had a friend over late last night). The girls were arguing and yelling at each other and I was trying to reprimand Sheridan. However, at that particular moment Sheridan decided to plug up her ears, smile and laugh at me in open defiance. So, guess who came to visit the D'Angelo car? ANGER!! In anger, I reached out and slapped Sheridan's leg. Of course, this shocked her and quieted her right down. But, then guilt set in, especially when Michael reminded me that I had sinned by acting in anger. Thanks for the reminder. So, as I was reading Proverbs 31 these words popped out to me "...She looks well to the ways of her household, and she does not eat the bread of idleness. Her children rise up and bless her; her husband also, and he praises her......" Would my children rise up and bless me today? Would my husband praise my actions? Probably not. As I was putting Sheridan to bed tonight, I apologized for acting in anger. And you know what she did? She started to cry. Yes, cry. I asked her why she was crying and she said "because you are saying you are sorry". Wow. Forgiveness. From my child. Now that is a lesson for Mother's Day!

Priorities

What are your priorities for your child? What do you imagine them doing as an adult? Making money? Going to a prestigious school? Living in a big house? Seriously? One of my homeschooling friends once said "we are aiming for heaven, not Harvard". Honestly, being a homeschooling mom has required some adjusting on my part. To be honest, I also once imagined my children going to a great school, getting advanced degrees, and being independent. But, as I examined my motives, I realized that these were things that I wanted! Now as a Christian mom that schools her kids at home, my goals have changed. I feel that my girls are fortunate in that school is a unique experience for them. We wake up when we want to, eat together every morning and the majority of "school" is the three of us sitting together and reading. I LOVE it. My girls get to be children. Our priority is discipling our children in the things of the Lord. Deuteronomy 11:18-19 says "You shall therefore impress these words of mine on your heart and on your soul;....You shall teach them to your sons, talking of them when you sit in your house and when you walk along the road and when you lie down and when you rise up". As a parent, this is our priority. If you get to heaven and your kids aren't standing next to you, what does it matter what school they went to?

Picture perfect

What did you imagine your family would be like before you had kids? Did you have an image in mind? I know I did! Mine went something like this: I would have kids who were very obedient, in fact I would only have to raise an eyebrow to get them to behave! They would be soft spoken, polite, kind and loving ALL the time. We would live in family peace and encouragement all the time, and at night I would reflect on what wonderful children I had! Sound familiar? So, what is reality? My girls argue in the car about who has more rain on their window. My girls argue about who gets to pray at breakfast. Sometimes, they call me names ("your stinky!"). Sometimes the hit each other and say things in public like "you look like a man" to a woman at target! Sometimes my girls DON'T share, and they yell and scream! So, yesterday I called a friend and poured out my heart about my girls and all my concerns. You know what she said? "None of this can't be fixed". WHAT A RELIEF. I get so caught up in my anxiety about how the girls will "turn out" that I can't put these behaviors in perspective. Yes, these behaviors need to be addressed, and they are. But, I need to trust the Lord and the process of discipleship. A verse I am clinging to is Philippians 1:6 "For I am confident of this very thing, that He who began a good work in you will perfect it until the day of Christ Jesus". He won't give up on my girls! I won't give up on my girls! Day by day we will make the journey together.

Satisfaction guaranteed!

Are you content? So many people aren't...........but I am!! I'm not saying every day of my life is wonderful, I am just saying that I am content right now. I LOVE my hubby, LOVE my girls, love the house and neighborhood that I live in, love my friends, love my church, love the routine and schedule of my life. I feel generally satisfied with life. I always imagined myself staying in this life forever. And, maybe (is it possible?) I am too content, too much in my comfort zone. So, as my hubby searches for new employment, I am finding my sense of comfort and contentment challenged. We may move. That is reality, but I don't WANT to. Remember, I am content. I am not good at change. So, as my anxiety level rises, I find myself thinking "could I be content elsewhere?" Paul says in Philippians "not that I speak from want, for I have learned to be content in whatever circumstances I am. I know how to get along with humble means, and I also know how to live in prosperity; in any and every circumstance I have learned the secret of being filled and going hungry, both of having abundance and suffering need. I can do all things through him who strengthens me." So, I guess my question is this "can I be content in all circumstances?" Can I be content in a different house, different neighborhood, different church? I guess time will tell.

The Price of Discipleship

I read something yesterday that really got me thinking. "The price of discipleship is less than the price of disobedience". Wow! I can't tell you how much this applies to my life right now!! I have long been assessing the cost of discipleship. Why? Because my entire life centers around discipling the girls. And, the cost is high. It takes time, energy, patience, love, and prayer. I could be off working, making money. In 2004 I gave up a job that paid $63K to stay home with Sheridan. I could send them to school and have "down time" each day. I could fill their time with play dates and activities, instead of "family time". The cost of discipleship is high, and some days I don't want to disciple anyone. Some days I wish they weren't here! But, what would the cost be if I chose not to disciple them? If I were disobedient, what would that cost? The girls would be the ones to pay that price. Romans 5 tells us "And not only this, but we also exult in our tribulations, knowing that tribulation brings about perseverance; and perseverance, proven character; and proven character, hope; and hope does not disappoint, because the love of God has been poured out within our hearts......" So, perseverance on my part will bring about proven character for the girls. If I don't give up, they will reap the benefits. If that's not motivation to continue, I don't know what is!

A dose of reality

I am so tired! Long days recently, today started "work" at 6am and finally had both girls in bed at 8pm. Even during their naps, I cleaned, cleaned and cleaned some more! I was feeling very self righteous indeed! Then, I started considering my hubby. He works two jobs to allow me to stay home with my girls. He gets up at 5:30am, gets home after 4pm and then two nights a week he leaves again by 6pm and gets home after 10pm. He is exhausted. He is on overload. Yet he is still patient with the girls, still has kind words for all of us, and he NEVER complains. It reminds me of Mark 10:45 "for even the Son of Man did not come to be served, but to serve, and to give his life a ransom for many." What a lesson! Next time I want to complain, I need to remember my self sacrificing hubby, and the fact that even Jesus washed the feet of the disciples.

My assignment

So, in a given month I probably do the dishes about 90 times, I do approximately 24 loads of laundry, scrub toilets 12 times, clean up about 200 messes, cook about 80 meals, make my bed 30 times and the list goes on and on. So why did I go spend $40,000 at USC for my Master's degree? I had an interesting conversation with someone not too long ago. He said to me "that must be weird to sit at home on a Master's degree". WHAT? Who sits? The funniest part of this job as a MOM is that it fulfills me. Let me say that again! It fulfills me! I never had the sense of satisfaction in my work as a social worker, as I do as a mom. How funny that the world tells us that we have to have careers, money, fame, excitement and recognition to be happy, when I have found the opposite to be true. Who recognizes when I scrub the toilet? No one cares if I wiped a runny nose, or cooked a decent meal. But, what I have found is that if you are doing what God has called you to do, you have satisfaction and peace. In Colossians it says "whatever you do, do your work heartily, as for the Lord rather than for men, knowing that from the Lord you will receive the reward of the inheritance". So, I guess someone does care that I scrub toilets and cook meals! HE sees all that I do!

An ear to hear

Today I started listening. To what? I found that as I listened to the sounds around me at home today, I found encouragement there! Some of the sounds I heard were....the girls laughing hysterically when Michael blew up a balloon and then let it go to fly around the room, the girls saying "do it again Daddy!", Sheridan saying "sorry doogie" to Jordan without me asking her, the girls singing songs about Jesus in the car on the way to church, both girls excitement about a simple dessert, Jordan's little voice telling me "I love you mommy", and the sound of my husband encouraging my girls with small compliments. How often have I listened? What have I missed by not listening? I guess it is the same with God. What have I missed by not listening to his voice? I sure do talk a lot, but do I listen enough? My guess is that I have missed a ton by not being still and knowing that HE is God. I'm not good at being still. Being still. Listening. Hearing. Thinking. Growing.

Humble pie

So, of course these things always happen on a day when I need to get out the door early! Why is it that some days I can ask Sheridan to do something ONCE and she does it, but other days she seems deaf? So, I was frustrated this morning because I needed to leave by 8:45am, and both girls were dawdling. They weren't dressed, no beds were made etc... So, I of course become the tornado that roars around the house reprimanding them. I get going and watch out! By the time we actually left the house, both girls were in tears. I felt bad......to say the least. Of course, the Lord chose this exact moment to remind me of a verse........"in so much as it is up to you, be at peace with all men". It occurred to me that this also includes my children! This is where humble pie comes in, cause I had a huge piece this morning! How many times can I apologize to my kids? I sometimes feel so hypocritical because I apologize, then get angry again at some future point, and have to apologize AGAIN! What are they thinking? I am so glad that when I have to eat humble pie, the Lord still forgives ME and I can move forward knowing I have a clean slate, at least with the Lord!

Compare and despair!

So, today I was taking Jordan to the doctor and I was playing Christian music in the car. I had to smile as I heard her singing "I don't want to gain the whole world and lose my soul"! Hearing that made me start thinking about how I have such hopes for my girls, especially in the area of them coming to know and love Christ. I have really been struggling lately with comparing myself to other moms. When I do this, I always come up short! "She is better at being creative with her kids" "She is better at instilling Christian principals into her kids" "She is better at disciplining".......these are the thoughts that torture me. But, a kind friend reminded me recently that the only standard I have to live up to is written in Galatians 5:22-23 "But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, self control; against such things there is no law." But how do I get my girls there??? Daily I struggle with "am I good enough?", "how can I do this?". Then I remember Philippians 4:13 "I can do all things through Him who strengthens me." What a relief!