The Price of Discipleship

I read something yesterday that really got me thinking. "The price of discipleship is less than the price of disobedience". Wow! I can't tell you how much this applies to my life right now!! I have long been assessing the cost of discipleship. Why? Because my entire life centers around discipling the girls. And, the cost is high. It takes time, energy, patience, love, and prayer. I could be off working, making money. In 2004 I gave up a job that paid $63K to stay home with Sheridan. I could send them to school and have "down time" each day. I could fill their time with play dates and activities, instead of "family time". The cost of discipleship is high, and some days I don't want to disciple anyone. Some days I wish they weren't here! But, what would the cost be if I chose not to disciple them? If I were disobedient, what would that cost? The girls would be the ones to pay that price. Romans 5 tells us "And not only this, but we also exult in our tribulations, knowing that tribulation brings about perseverance; and perseverance, proven character; and proven character, hope; and hope does not disappoint, because the love of God has been poured out within our hearts......" So, perseverance on my part will bring about proven character for the girls. If I don't give up, they will reap the benefits. If that's not motivation to continue, I don't know what is!

A dose of reality

I am so tired! Long days recently, today started "work" at 6am and finally had both girls in bed at 8pm. Even during their naps, I cleaned, cleaned and cleaned some more! I was feeling very self righteous indeed! Then, I started considering my hubby. He works two jobs to allow me to stay home with my girls. He gets up at 5:30am, gets home after 4pm and then two nights a week he leaves again by 6pm and gets home after 10pm. He is exhausted. He is on overload. Yet he is still patient with the girls, still has kind words for all of us, and he NEVER complains. It reminds me of Mark 10:45 "for even the Son of Man did not come to be served, but to serve, and to give his life a ransom for many." What a lesson! Next time I want to complain, I need to remember my self sacrificing hubby, and the fact that even Jesus washed the feet of the disciples.

My assignment

So, in a given month I probably do the dishes about 90 times, I do approximately 24 loads of laundry, scrub toilets 12 times, clean up about 200 messes, cook about 80 meals, make my bed 30 times and the list goes on and on. So why did I go spend $40,000 at USC for my Master's degree? I had an interesting conversation with someone not too long ago. He said to me "that must be weird to sit at home on a Master's degree". WHAT? Who sits? The funniest part of this job as a MOM is that it fulfills me. Let me say that again! It fulfills me! I never had the sense of satisfaction in my work as a social worker, as I do as a mom. How funny that the world tells us that we have to have careers, money, fame, excitement and recognition to be happy, when I have found the opposite to be true. Who recognizes when I scrub the toilet? No one cares if I wiped a runny nose, or cooked a decent meal. But, what I have found is that if you are doing what God has called you to do, you have satisfaction and peace. In Colossians it says "whatever you do, do your work heartily, as for the Lord rather than for men, knowing that from the Lord you will receive the reward of the inheritance". So, I guess someone does care that I scrub toilets and cook meals! HE sees all that I do!

An ear to hear

Today I started listening. To what? I found that as I listened to the sounds around me at home today, I found encouragement there! Some of the sounds I heard were....the girls laughing hysterically when Michael blew up a balloon and then let it go to fly around the room, the girls saying "do it again Daddy!", Sheridan saying "sorry doogie" to Jordan without me asking her, the girls singing songs about Jesus in the car on the way to church, both girls excitement about a simple dessert, Jordan's little voice telling me "I love you mommy", and the sound of my husband encouraging my girls with small compliments. How often have I listened? What have I missed by not listening? I guess it is the same with God. What have I missed by not listening to his voice? I sure do talk a lot, but do I listen enough? My guess is that I have missed a ton by not being still and knowing that HE is God. I'm not good at being still. Being still. Listening. Hearing. Thinking. Growing.

Humble pie

So, of course these things always happen on a day when I need to get out the door early! Why is it that some days I can ask Sheridan to do something ONCE and she does it, but other days she seems deaf? So, I was frustrated this morning because I needed to leave by 8:45am, and both girls were dawdling. They weren't dressed, no beds were made etc... So, I of course become the tornado that roars around the house reprimanding them. I get going and watch out! By the time we actually left the house, both girls were in tears. I felt bad......to say the least. Of course, the Lord chose this exact moment to remind me of a verse........"in so much as it is up to you, be at peace with all men". It occurred to me that this also includes my children! This is where humble pie comes in, cause I had a huge piece this morning! How many times can I apologize to my kids? I sometimes feel so hypocritical because I apologize, then get angry again at some future point, and have to apologize AGAIN! What are they thinking? I am so glad that when I have to eat humble pie, the Lord still forgives ME and I can move forward knowing I have a clean slate, at least with the Lord!

Compare and despair!

So, today I was taking Jordan to the doctor and I was playing Christian music in the car. I had to smile as I heard her singing "I don't want to gain the whole world and lose my soul"! Hearing that made me start thinking about how I have such hopes for my girls, especially in the area of them coming to know and love Christ. I have really been struggling lately with comparing myself to other moms. When I do this, I always come up short! "She is better at being creative with her kids" "She is better at instilling Christian principals into her kids" "She is better at disciplining".......these are the thoughts that torture me. But, a kind friend reminded me recently that the only standard I have to live up to is written in Galatians 5:22-23 "But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, self control; against such things there is no law." But how do I get my girls there??? Daily I struggle with "am I good enough?", "how can I do this?". Then I remember Philippians 4:13 "I can do all things through Him who strengthens me." What a relief!