A few weeks back our pastor was teaching out of I Samuel, chapter 14. He was discussing Saul and his son, Jonathan. In this particular story, Saul has placed his people under an oath not to eat anything until he has "avenged myself on my enemies". The men of Israel have just finished a battle and are starving, but Saul orders them not to eat, or they would be cursed. In verse 31 we see that the men struck the Philistines that day and were "very weary". Because of that, they began eating the sheep, oxen and calves of the enemy without adhering to the strict prohibition against eating meat with blood given in Leviticus. Our pastor pointed out that Saul gave a frivolous, self centered order to his men, and thus caused them to sin in another, more serious way.
I started to wonder about my parenting. I began to wonder if there were areas in my parenting where I focus on something that really doesn't have any eternal value, and instead ignore the more serious issues in my children. Michael and I discussed this later that evening, but I couldn't see any areas where that was taking place. For those of you that know me well, you know that I tend to worry over EVERY area of my parenting!
A few days later I was cleaning up from lunch and the girls had gone upstairs to play. When I called Sheridan, my oldest, down to do dishes, she had "that" look on her face. Now, if you are a parent, you know what I mean by "that" look. The one where you know instantly that they have done something wrong? I said to her "what is going on?" and she responded "I made Jordan look like a cat". Huh? When I called Jordan downstairs, I quickly understood what she meant! Sheridan had taken markers and colored all over Jordan's face. Now you have to realize that my children have an unnatural love of pens/crayons/pencils. For some reason, they have taken any opportunity they can to "color" on various objects.....skin, floors, headboards, dressers etc. So, I am thinking to myself "you have got to be kidding me? How many times have I told them that they aren't to use pens this way?" I was very mad and immediately told the girls what their punishment would be. I fumed over it. I stewed over it. I was mad!
Later on, as I had moved on, I decided to post this little incident, complete with pictures, on facebook. I asked my friends "what would you do if one of your children colored all over the face of your other child?" To my surprise, everyone who responded said they would have laughed, taken pictures and moved on. Huh? THAT never occurred to me! I had been angry. I had been outraged. I had been concerned. What I saw as horrible defiance, others saw as childish in nature and silly. What I felt deserved a punishment, others felt deserved a few laughs and a small talking to.
This incident has provided me with endless food for thought. I realized I was being legalistic! I was focusing on something of really no significance. What perspective this gave me! How many times have I focused on something like this, while ignoring or not noticing other, more important issues in my children? What does God want me to focus on in my kids? Coloring on faces, or heart issues? What areas are of concern to God?
As a result, I have been praying and thinking differently. I have begun asking myself "is this childhood foolishness, or real defiance?" As I journaled recently, I realized that my real, underlying fear for my children is that they will reject God, and go to hell. I wrote that down, and as I did, God spoke to me. He told me that HE doesn't want my children to go to hell either! We are on the same page. We have the same desire for my children! What a relief it was to realize that God and I are a team, together seeking my children. God loves my children more than I do. He wants the best for them. So do I.
