Idols

So, a few days ago I got a Blackberry. Yes, I know, I have been living in the dark ages with no texting and with my old flip phone. So, as the days have gone by I have felt so "cool" with it, and I love the ability to communicate with anyone, anywhere, any time of day!!! In fact, my hubby said to me "now you are one of THOSE people with their noses always in the phone!" This got me thinking about idols. I was watching a cartoon version of the story of Moses with Sheridan the other day and they showed how the Israelites made a golden cow and worshiped it. Ok, so I'm not THAT bad, but in examining myself, I do have idols. For example, I love facebook. I spend about 20 minutes per day on it, but really, what else could I do with that time? Seriously, my real idol is what I call "down time." I am obsessed with having down time. I hope other mothers out there can relate. When you work 15 hour days, I guess most people would want some down time. But it is just selfishness when you really think about it. I sometimes dream of my down time during difficult days with the girls. I imagine sitting on my bed, reading or just laying about in bed watching TV. I crave it. I think of it. I want it. Solitude. Quiet. Rest.
But then God gently nudges my spirit with verses like Galatians 2:20 "I have been crucified with Christ; and it is no longer I who live, but Christ lives in me; and the life which I now live in the flesh I live by faith in the Son of God, who loved me and gave Himself up for me." Ouch. And, the most convicting is Philippians 2:4 "do not merely look out for your own personal interests, but also for the interests of others." I am always looking out for my own personal interests! But, that needs to decrease, so that Christ can increase in me.

Forgiveness 101

So today at dinner I had the brilliant idea to read Proverbs 31 to my girls as an example of what a woman/mother should be. Well, as usual, the Lord intended that passage for me, not necessarily for the girls. Isn't it funny how the Lord can use your kids to teach you so much? Flash back to earlier today and NOT my finest mothering moment. We were on the way home from a nice lunch and the girls were extremely tired (we had a friend over late last night). The girls were arguing and yelling at each other and I was trying to reprimand Sheridan. However, at that particular moment Sheridan decided to plug up her ears, smile and laugh at me in open defiance. So, guess who came to visit the D'Angelo car? ANGER!! In anger, I reached out and slapped Sheridan's leg. Of course, this shocked her and quieted her right down. But, then guilt set in, especially when Michael reminded me that I had sinned by acting in anger. Thanks for the reminder. So, as I was reading Proverbs 31 these words popped out to me "...She looks well to the ways of her household, and she does not eat the bread of idleness. Her children rise up and bless her; her husband also, and he praises her......" Would my children rise up and bless me today? Would my husband praise my actions? Probably not. As I was putting Sheridan to bed tonight, I apologized for acting in anger. And you know what she did? She started to cry. Yes, cry. I asked her why she was crying and she said "because you are saying you are sorry". Wow. Forgiveness. From my child. Now that is a lesson for Mother's Day!

Priorities

What are your priorities for your child? What do you imagine them doing as an adult? Making money? Going to a prestigious school? Living in a big house? Seriously? One of my homeschooling friends once said "we are aiming for heaven, not Harvard". Honestly, being a homeschooling mom has required some adjusting on my part. To be honest, I also once imagined my children going to a great school, getting advanced degrees, and being independent. But, as I examined my motives, I realized that these were things that I wanted! Now as a Christian mom that schools her kids at home, my goals have changed. I feel that my girls are fortunate in that school is a unique experience for them. We wake up when we want to, eat together every morning and the majority of "school" is the three of us sitting together and reading. I LOVE it. My girls get to be children. Our priority is discipling our children in the things of the Lord. Deuteronomy 11:18-19 says "You shall therefore impress these words of mine on your heart and on your soul;....You shall teach them to your sons, talking of them when you sit in your house and when you walk along the road and when you lie down and when you rise up". As a parent, this is our priority. If you get to heaven and your kids aren't standing next to you, what does it matter what school they went to?

Picture perfect

What did you imagine your family would be like before you had kids? Did you have an image in mind? I know I did! Mine went something like this: I would have kids who were very obedient, in fact I would only have to raise an eyebrow to get them to behave! They would be soft spoken, polite, kind and loving ALL the time. We would live in family peace and encouragement all the time, and at night I would reflect on what wonderful children I had! Sound familiar? So, what is reality? My girls argue in the car about who has more rain on their window. My girls argue about who gets to pray at breakfast. Sometimes, they call me names ("your stinky!"). Sometimes the hit each other and say things in public like "you look like a man" to a woman at target! Sometimes my girls DON'T share, and they yell and scream! So, yesterday I called a friend and poured out my heart about my girls and all my concerns. You know what she said? "None of this can't be fixed". WHAT A RELIEF. I get so caught up in my anxiety about how the girls will "turn out" that I can't put these behaviors in perspective. Yes, these behaviors need to be addressed, and they are. But, I need to trust the Lord and the process of discipleship. A verse I am clinging to is Philippians 1:6 "For I am confident of this very thing, that He who began a good work in you will perfect it until the day of Christ Jesus". He won't give up on my girls! I won't give up on my girls! Day by day we will make the journey together.

Satisfaction guaranteed!

Are you content? So many people aren't...........but I am!! I'm not saying every day of my life is wonderful, I am just saying that I am content right now. I LOVE my hubby, LOVE my girls, love the house and neighborhood that I live in, love my friends, love my church, love the routine and schedule of my life. I feel generally satisfied with life. I always imagined myself staying in this life forever. And, maybe (is it possible?) I am too content, too much in my comfort zone. So, as my hubby searches for new employment, I am finding my sense of comfort and contentment challenged. We may move. That is reality, but I don't WANT to. Remember, I am content. I am not good at change. So, as my anxiety level rises, I find myself thinking "could I be content elsewhere?" Paul says in Philippians "not that I speak from want, for I have learned to be content in whatever circumstances I am. I know how to get along with humble means, and I also know how to live in prosperity; in any and every circumstance I have learned the secret of being filled and going hungry, both of having abundance and suffering need. I can do all things through him who strengthens me." So, I guess my question is this "can I be content in all circumstances?" Can I be content in a different house, different neighborhood, different church? I guess time will tell.

The Price of Discipleship

I read something yesterday that really got me thinking. "The price of discipleship is less than the price of disobedience". Wow! I can't tell you how much this applies to my life right now!! I have long been assessing the cost of discipleship. Why? Because my entire life centers around discipling the girls. And, the cost is high. It takes time, energy, patience, love, and prayer. I could be off working, making money. In 2004 I gave up a job that paid $63K to stay home with Sheridan. I could send them to school and have "down time" each day. I could fill their time with play dates and activities, instead of "family time". The cost of discipleship is high, and some days I don't want to disciple anyone. Some days I wish they weren't here! But, what would the cost be if I chose not to disciple them? If I were disobedient, what would that cost? The girls would be the ones to pay that price. Romans 5 tells us "And not only this, but we also exult in our tribulations, knowing that tribulation brings about perseverance; and perseverance, proven character; and proven character, hope; and hope does not disappoint, because the love of God has been poured out within our hearts......" So, perseverance on my part will bring about proven character for the girls. If I don't give up, they will reap the benefits. If that's not motivation to continue, I don't know what is!

A dose of reality

I am so tired! Long days recently, today started "work" at 6am and finally had both girls in bed at 8pm. Even during their naps, I cleaned, cleaned and cleaned some more! I was feeling very self righteous indeed! Then, I started considering my hubby. He works two jobs to allow me to stay home with my girls. He gets up at 5:30am, gets home after 4pm and then two nights a week he leaves again by 6pm and gets home after 10pm. He is exhausted. He is on overload. Yet he is still patient with the girls, still has kind words for all of us, and he NEVER complains. It reminds me of Mark 10:45 "for even the Son of Man did not come to be served, but to serve, and to give his life a ransom for many." What a lesson! Next time I want to complain, I need to remember my self sacrificing hubby, and the fact that even Jesus washed the feet of the disciples.